Lost

Always tried to present a happy face to the world, even when it hurts so much inside. Midweek was so painful, didn't know why so much memories surged forth. Promised myself not to be weak again, but I broke the promise.

I don't hate anybody really. I wish to be friends with everybody but not everybody I want to be friends with want to be friends with me. Either they want me to ignore them or they ignore me. Really wonder if I am so dislikeable.

Maybe it's easier to not feel anything, just do all tasks promptly (which I seriously need to do but cannot bring myself to). There is so much happening now but I keep getting stuck in the past. Time to give myself a brutal kick back to the present.

Do not expect anything at all, then there is no sadness at nothing.

Sigh, but still stupidly wishing for a hug, comforting words and a piggyback!

Grateful

The new year started with a few meetings with good friends -- HCJC 29th wushu batch, 02s33 classmates from HCJC, some of my SCGS friends and SEP friends.

HCJC 29th wushu batch: It was really fun to meet at Zhigao's house where we reminisce all the fun times and moan about schoolwork over a potluck dinner (Zhaoqi's cooking is yummy!). I am specially glad that Huijun, whom I knew since SCGS, has emerged from her trials a stronger girl =) And it has been such a long time since I've laughed at Lixiang's lame jokes...haha. Looking forward to visiting Mingjian aka Lin-meimei in Australia when I visit my brother when I graduate!

02s33 classmates: Looking at the gathering, one would think the class consists entirely of girls and the amazing thing is most are engineers! Although we bump into each other quite often in school, they're not as often as I hope. The really funny episode is when e noticed Zhang Qing left her mochi untouched and claimed her "sashimi" mochi tasted awful. We were all cracking our heads over such an exotic dish until Elsa figured out that it was "sesame" not "sashimi"!

SCGS classmates: I was rather down lately and that day was no exception, so was especially touched when Tricia tried very hard to cheer me up. Still recall the days when she labeled herself as "joke dispenser" and when we always laughed so hard during lessons that I fell off my chair twice! yikes!

SEP friends: As always, Ying regaled me with her interesting experiences. This time round was her rented house in Loughborough flooding! Of course, Xianhong was there and I can't help but feel that I'm a bad girl for feeling some resentment. However, I do sincerely wish him well.

All these gatherings are specially poignant. Most of us are reaching the next stage of our lives: entering the working world, which is inevitable that we feel some apprehension. I also can't help but think that despite all the laughter, there is a little sadness, like we lost some of our innocence and carefree attitude that we had in the past. I wish all these dear friends would be happy and healthy always. I am grateful that they have entered and brightened my life.

I am also grateful to Fuzhou huiguan people and Zibin. For some time now, I go to Fuzhou to learn wushu and dance and it really is fun to mix with the people there. Most are younger than me and it is a little like reliving my youth when watching their boisterous plays. Zibin is my best friend in hall, he has been cheering me up and the only thing I repoach him is for making it so difficult for me to treat him! GGRRRHHHH!!!!!