Keeping busy

To make good on my promise to brighten up the blog... I've been doing lots of stuff! Archery, wake-boarding and taking part in a concert!

Shall start with the last first... Dancescape concert!

Thank you very much Lester, Yien Mei, Joan, Huiran, Alwyn and Lydia (so cool to see you at the airport, hope your conference went smoothly)! Really very touched they came to support, hope it wasn't too boring for them. Also must thank my colleagues for coming =)

Must thank my brother too, I "volunteered" him to help out with the lighting and at the end of it all, he was heartily sick of the items! The items I liked were the ones I was not in (maybe not going through the dance made the dance looked more fun), I was in the "seafood" item and the modern item and the disco item. Ruodan took a photo of me backstage (without the terrifying "shin chan" eyebrows Adam delights in adding).

The process was hectic. Sometimes a bit aggrieved that laoshi is so fierce but it was his passion and I suppose the strictness drove us to do better. Generally I dislike performing but this performance was a way of thanking SFA, I think I would have been a lot more mopey without them around. (A lot of them 讲义气，a trait I admire immensely) I am glad that our paths crossed.

Still met up with other friends despite being busy with rehearsals, like Sinlong and Zibin. As usual, the fault with Zibin, is to disallow me from treating him ever! I really owe him lots of treats. He went doll hunting in Taiwan and bought 妈祖娃娃 souvenirs from Taiwan for my mother. Was pleasantly surprised at the effort =) See, I didn't want anything but my mother did so I casually told him if he has to get something for me, get the dolls for mummy and he did! Shall ambush a treat for him in future...

Tried wakeboarding with Sinlong, his friend Alex, his friend's cousin, Fangjing and his friend's cousin's friend, Yee Shin. Out of this motley gang, only Alex had any experience so we all approached the waters with some trepidation.

I needn't have worried because apparently girls get the hang of it easier because we're not as strong as guys! Sounds strange but true, the trick is to let the boat pull you up from the "toilet squatting" position and not tug against the bar. Also, smaller people with lower centre of gravity can balance better, so I think I got the easiest time! (Let me brag a bit, I got up on my 1st round 2nd try)

Don't know why the photos are so small. First one was the training bit on how to get up from the water, second one was me in the boat's wake (I'm really much bigger than that but the handphone camera and high boat speed made me a spot). Will definitely go again, waiting for SInlong to organize... lazy me!!!

Archery was a FREE session from the company's recreation club, so the cheapo in me could not resist!

The bow was heavy! My right arm was trembling after a few passes and my right eye was blurry from squinting. (Which indicates wrong usage, because apparently it's back muscles and less arm muscles) Usually the aiming eye is the hand you're more comfortable with but there was a guy there who was right-handed but his aiming eye was left!

How to determine the aiming eye:
1. Make a triangle with your both right and left thumbs and index fingers

2. Choose a target with both eyes

3. To test the right eye, shut the left eye

4. If the target stays in the triangle, then your aiming eye is the right; if the target moves out of the triangle, then your aiming eye is the left!

5. To double-check, repeat step 3 with the left eye open and right eye shut

For a newbie like me, the exciting part was all the interesting gadgets: the leather tab to prevent the arrow fletch from cutting the fingers when the shaft is released. Below is my result!

Not spectacular but quite respectable, with 2 in the bulls' eye!

Warring words

Sigh, I haven't returned here for ages and I saw rather uncomfortable comments.

Erm, I don't think they'll come back because I think I have abandoned this place pretty long. Although I don't quite know who is who, I hope nobody is too upset. I am sorry for the injuries, mine is bewailing the fact I'm not slim beautiful or cute!!! Anyway, I think actions are more important than words. Here's a quote from somewhere: We should believe only in deeds; words go for nothing everywhere.

I've been really painting someone really black but here's a place to vent my unhappiness. Assumed that nobody really visits, it's more like a place I could go through in the future to see how I grew and got over stuff.

Sure, I'm not kindly disposed towards Xianhong but I have made a conscious effort to find out if he's doing well, like I do for all my friends. I don't know his girlfriend but she is special to him and I have accepted that no matter how unfair I feel the treatment is, there is nothing I can do about it. Sinlong told me that guys treat the girls that they think special differently. So what I can do is can care about the people who care.

Shall try to post more cheerful stuff. Like my new haircut, which I got mixed reviews.

可爱 = 可怜没人爱

Thomas told me I was cute, half anyway, because cute = ugly but adorable, so I belong to the ugly category due to 3 large disfiguring stress-induced pimples. To add insult to injury, Alex told me the meaning of cute or 可爱 -- 可怜没人爱.

After laughing, I felt a little sad. Someone told me that most jokes contain a percentage of truth. Which is pretty true, otherwise it is nonsense and a good joke cannot be all nonsense. So, I reflected and recalled that I went through the lowest points of my life alone.

Firstly, not because my friends were not there for me but because I did not like to burden them. I am deeply touched at those who noticed and those who did not, they must have been troubled too. I busied myself with activities to not think during the day but at night, it's kind of hard and I lapse back.

Just the other night, when coming back from work, I saw a woman sobbing her heart out on the shoulder of a man. I felt intensely sorry, I think she must have been in deep misery to cry like that in public, luckily she has that friend. That plus the pall of economic uncertainties plus the erratic global warming (overshadowed by the market crises) made me think that life sucks.

I hope to have a SHORT HAPPY life, and if not happy, then at least USEFUL. I'm terrified of leading a meaningless life. Well, making baby-steps now, like making papa, mummy and brother happy. Do my best in my job, the company contributes to 10% of Singapore's GDP, so indirectly helping fellow countrymen.

A very special Children's Day

My company adopts RCMDS as their charity, so we employees are given 3 options: be a volunteer for their Children's Day celebration, give up 1 day's pay or nothing. Guess which option I took?

Anyway, it was fun and meaningful, but sadly, no names and photos of the children I interacted with today because it is quite a sensitive issue. Anyway, volunteers just helped out the teachers with activities organised for the kids.

We did body painting, make bubbles, balloon crafting and cartoon screening. I drew on some kids... and got drawn on a lot! My arms were scrawled with crazy lines but it feels good to see some of them trying things for themselves. I feel really happy when they grab onto your hand, although that affection is fleeting, the warmth of the touch lingers.

Balloon crafting was new to me and I learned how to make a flower, rabbit and dog! Below is Siew Lian (my Lian sister in my division) and me, taken by Elsie (our group photo was too blur).

She took the photo right at the top of the white rabbit balloon I made... I hope it brings brings good cheer to whoever brought it home! To the innocent child in all of us, Happy Children's Day =)

F1-less night

Everyone must be really excited about Singapore hosting F1, me too actually, experiencing quite a bit of the promotional events in my workplace. However, I am quite relieved that it's over.

See, I could hear the revving of engines on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights from my home (in close proximity to town). Being a sleep-a-holic, the noise disrupted my sleep, making me grounchy! So was rather amused when my colleagues told me that the revving sound is what makes catching F1 live heart-thumping.

Anyway, on this quiet night, I had a chance to sort out my thinking somewhat. You asked me, "Don't you want me to be happy?" At that time, I thought that was the height of selfishness, typical that you would only think of yourself.

But, I suppose I was just as selfish. My anger must have come from the desire to be more precious. I was hurt that you did not feel the loss of me more keenly. I wished my sacrifices were not in vain.

I think I had always wanted you to be happy. Why else would I have let you sacrificed me so many times for your pursuit of happiness? Instead of wishing to be dearer, I wish now for magnanimity to let you sacrifice me one last time for your happiness.

YELLOW

Returned my convocation gown today and it sucks. You know, some places become connected to some people. That's why I always find HCJC cheering and NUS depressing.

Haunted by what ifs... what if I had persevered, what if I had chosen differently, what if I had spent time to know others more and better, what if I had listened when others said I was being too nice and taken advantage of...

Aiya, it's over and done with really. The person who breaks the trust will most likely not find it worth his while to rebuild it. People who are more selfish are happier, when you don't concern yourself with other people's emotions, you concentrate on your own happiness.

The lesson is simple, concentrate on making a fortune. The most important colour is yellow, yellow for gold! Red for the painful and costly passion; blue for the melancholic musings. Gold is lasting $$$$$$

Yellow just made me laugh. I decided to get lemon face wash. Was scrubbing my face vigorously when I realized it looks just like dish washing liquid! For a moment, I felt like my face was a dish and laughed.

Cheers at work

Got issued a new laptop to replace my cranky one at work. So was really excited and fiddled with it happily until I realized I had to PAY for it if it got stolen or damaged. Freaked out and kept it under lock and key when I go home, whereas the old one was so condemned that I know nobody in their right mind would steal it. My mind also keeps wandering to its safety when I had to leave it sitting on my desk (screaming, "STEAL ME! I'm the LATEST model!"), always scrambling back and heaving a sigh of relief to see it still there.

My PPE (personal protection equipment) consists of a helmet, bright yellow vest and juggernaut boots have been the butt of jokes. Especially the boots, they're McDonald's footwear and whatnot. Alex has been merciless, "I know you don't like somebody but there's no need to make yourself so ugly!" He's always teasing me, but he got his comeuppance: after going on about that somebody, that somebody entered the room when Alex was on his biscuit, causing him to choke!

Although work is difficult, my colleagues liven up the week. I enjoyed myself immensely playing badminton and table-tennis. Being newbies, we hardly used the table, the ball flies everywhere, mostly over and under. I was laughing so hard my tummy and cheeks hurt terribly, and I remarked that theoretically, laughing hard may build up 8-pack. Bryan returned with, "Yup, you don't know meh, we're actually training abs here!"

This theory was introduced to me in HCJC wushu when Teresa and me laughed incessantly. Got a good dose of reminiscence when we met up at my place last night to celebrate Huijun's belated birthday and a kind of mid-autumn gathering. Junyuan made delicious snowskin mooncakes, I want to learn from him! Was so glad to see Gary too, have not seen him in years, funny because we used to hide when he comes and suggests that we all go for "short jogs" (they are actually marathons).

Happy or Sad?

This morning was a comedy of errors, although I did not think so then. I happily sneaked out of the house in the wee hours of dawn to grab the earliest train at 5.45am to reach work at 6.30am (and to prevent papa from accompanying me). After twiddling my thumbs real long, I found out trains are later on Sundays, leaving me 10min to reach work on time.

My handphone broke down on me and could not call taxis so I borrowed the counter staff's (an Indian guy) handphone. As a result, I had to run a bit to catch up to the taxi as the driver was not expecting a harried chinese girl.

When I reach the airport, I ran all the way to the control room and slipped on a puddle of water beside the drinks area. So embarrassing! Right in front of the technicians =( But they were rather nice and the boring work was livened up by one of them showing me his photos from his course in Denmark.

I had planned to go to East Coast earlier on because I think I need the sun, getting pale and peaky like a ghost. Being tired, I snoozed on the bus and missed my stop, so had to trekked under the hot sun to reach there. I mean I wanted to feel sunlight on me but not to this extent!!!

But it was all worth it. Not a good cyclist myself, always jamming brakes whenever I see obstacles in front or worse, obstacles approaching me! However, I was going fast enough to feel some breeze and hear my dangly earrings tinkle... haha. I like to look at the sky but I felt the skyline at the coast was a bit marred by the gazillion construction cranes for the upcoming IR.

The placard at the sand sculpture exhibition caught my eye, "Take time to be still, For Beauty exist only when we care and feel." That's so true, especially when I'm caught up with everyday tasks at work. Contemplating nature (East Coast Park is more "natural" than most parts of Singapore) brings a smile.

A bit melancholic really, because some memories lead me to think that so many things are transient. Hope time, like the tide, will wash away the hurt and pain.

August Outings

Our Wushu batch went to Vivocity to celebrate Zhaoqi's birthday =) I was so glad the dry-run for my signing ceremony did not make me miss such a fun event. We made Zhaoqi go on a treasure hunt in which she lost her posh image totally! Teresa and Biyun planned for her to do crazy stunts like doing the hula-hoop and whacking toy hammer in an animal hat, finding 3 candies that weigh 23g and milking the cow outside Ben & Jerry's...

We polished off our ice-cream, what is an outing without dessert?

I forgot to photograph what I drew for the birthday girl. And I must find the photograph which Lixiang took of Biyun's butt next to the sign, "All it takes is an ugly butt to spoil a beautiful view, please dispose cigarette butts in the bins."

The last August "baby" but not least, was Papa's birthday! He pampered himself with a costly cake from Patissier, spoiling my planned surprise for him. I didn't carry it out, I just queued for his favourite ba gua. Not any ordinary ba gua but Lin Zhi Yuan's BBQ Bacon that Alex insisted were gourmet ba gua.

I like my brother's birthday card, it went like this: Happy Birthday Papa, Sorry the card was late. I was ensuring your investment is a success (studying). Hope you like the card. Ek Son

Then, I met up with Ying, Lester and Xianhong at the Central. All the Japanese eateries we wanted to sample were bursting with the Friday crowds so we ate at Fisherman's Wharf opposite that serve authentic Fish & Chips, there were vinegar and mashed peas with potatoes (sounds unappetizing to me but the fish was good). Next we walked about at Central and Clarke Quay. We entered a club called China something, I didn't like the noisy place but it was an eye-opener to see a hen-party.

The next day, was my company's family day at the Singapore Flyer. I quite enjoy it and so did my parents! It was refreshing to meet colleagues having fun with their family. Took photos on the flyer and with colleagues.

August babies!!!

First of all, Happy Birthday to my dearestest little brother who is far away down under! So sad cannot celebrate with him but we did share cake and ice cream before he flew off. It was shocking actually, the round trip ticket he bought had the return date WRONG, so he missed a week of school!!! Luckily, he's settled back in well, seeing that he could afford the time to SKI...

Another person who is also from down under celebrated his fourth child's entrance to this world by taking a well-earned break from work... Stuart! I drew a picture for his daughter, wishing that their father-daughter bonding session would progress soon from changing diapers to yoga (Stuart goes for yoga instead of lunch!!!)
There is something seriously wrong with the pose, me expressing utter disinterest in yoga had to contort myself into the position before drawing. I shan't say what is wrong though, too embarrassed.

Been keeping busy. so as to limit brooding time, shall give myself a pat on my back! Lots of exclamation marks! That's because I am thinking of presents for Zhaoqi and Papa, they are August babies too!

Nasty Girl

Feeling down AGAIN, but nobody knew because I am smiling as usual. Did a lot of stupid things at work, in trainings and to other people, actually only one person. Been reading back and realize I have been complaining about one person and I know why.

In sophomore year, one of the sweetest and prettiest girls I know broke up with her first boyfriend. She still went about cheerfully but I know she was upset and really wanted everyone to believe she was wronged. I told her that people who know her would know that she did everything she could already and most of the fault lies with the other person.

So easy to advise, so hard to carry it out. I must learn from her, she never complained as much as me!!! Ok, I guess most people think I can't let go or what. Not quite, I just feel really sian when common friends ask me to give another chance. Well, I guess people who really know me will know I swallow until my limit (which really is a lot!) and I never let anyone down if I can help it. (work is difficult, essential to step on people's toes =( maybe that's why my face is morphing into the many grumpy faces in the trains)

It is also upsetting that people who don't really know assume I am so petty. I have tried to remember the good things, I do that whenever I am upset. However, when I keep using 1 good thing to tide over 10 bad things, the effectiveness wears thin.

Oops. I sound very childish but I must complain somewhere or I'd burst, or go nuts! Must vent somewhere besides swimming. Things have not been easy at home but I really have to be strong. But sometimes, I really do wish that there'd be someone who'd understand me, believe in me and be there for me. Haha, I'm not as wonderful as that someone because I can only try my best to understand, believe until many broken promises and try to be there for others by putting myself in that person's shoes and imagine what is required.

Everyone is different but some things are fundamental. Like, you'll always think of sharing something nice with someone you care about. I saw the drink vending machine for the 1st time when I entered primary school and thought the Sprite being made into a paper cup very exciting and delicious. I bought one and cupped it carefully on the schoolbus until I reach home, groaning at each bump and jerk. My little brother was so happy and loved the Sprite. So I bought Sprite nearly everyday and it was so sweet to see him waiting at the doorstep for me after school.

Yay, I've managed to cheer myself up somewhat =) My brother would be a little sad to find himself described like a faithful dog!!! Well, I need to have more confidence, believe in myself, forget what strangers think. It's the people who care who really matter, those who never cared or will never care matter not.

Sore eyes

This past 2 weeks I have been suffering from sore and red eyes. First right eye and now the left. They water like mad and I look tearful =( Siew Kuan and Willy were very sweet, buying cooling water and Optrex eye wash and bath. So funny when Willy was so anxious about not noticing the redness and trying to see how monstrous I look!!!

I'm going to see an eye specialist with a referral from the general practitioner. Hope it's nothing too serious. I was surprised at a message from him, I mean, I may look like a witch now but still not witchy enough to cast a nasty gloom on him. I know he's happy now with a pretty girlfriend and a job, he doesn't need a vengeful ghost from the past haunting him. And, he was never there when I needed him when we were together, I must be stupid to think he'll be there when we're just friends now. (e.g. no moral support when driving instructor shredded my confidence, no sick visits, no... you can see how vengeful this ghost is!!!)

Still, I care enough to always ask about him when meeting common friends and I know I'd go all out to help if anything untoward happens to him, hope that never happens. But it's really SHIT, when I have to keep reaching out first when he is the one saying he wants to be friends. Breathe in, breathe out, must calm myself down. I guess he was kind enough to respond to an imagined stress call? Won't put too much hope in that though, it's always such a disappointment to find out my faith has been misplaced.

A simple and meaningful story goes somewhat like this:
How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
Open the door, put the elephant in
How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?
Open the door, take out the elephant and put the giraffe in
The refrigerator is your heart, the elephant and giraffe represent anger and love respectively.

My heart is full of anger, hurt and bitterness now. Time to take out the elephant and welcome the giraffe. Love for life, for fellow brothers and sisters, and for vitamin M!!!

Eulogy to Hammie

Usually I would tickle Hammie's tummy a little before going off to work, but I can't do that anymore. I hope my colleagues won't ask me why I'm blue when I just had my convocation (Sunday, 13th July 2008), but I am because Hammie passed away on Tuesday, 15th July.

Hammie, you have brought me smiles somedays, tears on many, but I still give thanks for you entering my life.

How cute you look when you sleep in a little ball, suck from your drinking bottle and greedily plunge into your feeding dish. Nobody can look as cute as you doing pull-ups and sit-ups =)

All the trouble you caused by being noisy at inappropriate hours and being cranky in your old age will always be forgiven.

Maybe I should ask to be forgiven. I have been neglectful because I felt hurt to even look at you sometimes. Inanimate presents could be locked up and out of sight but not you who needs looking after.

Maybe you would be happier being looked after by another. I was mad when I heard a girl dumped a puppy she bought for an ex-boyfriend so I determined to care for you properly. Apparently I failed.

I hope you are in a better place now. With more food and freedom to run about, perhaps a cherubic angel or two stuffing you with pistachio nut bits that you love, with sparkling clear water to wash it down.

End of your life and end of a chapter of my life. Although I will always remember you, I really wish to forget the person closely connected to you who has brought me much sorrow.

Hammie, farewell for now. If we ever meet again in whatever afterlife forms, let us meet in happier circumstances.

Joking lightens work

Work is getting busier and I am learning quite a bit. However, it is a little unsatisfying to know that 4 years of mostly theories are not quite applicable in real life =( Maybe because I'm in the owner's route.

Let me explain a bit, for an engineer, there are 3 main routes: contractor, owner and consultant. Contractors focus on construction, bringing the design to life. Consultants do the designing. Owners mainly coordinate between the construction and consultants, more on project management and less technical. So I'm the owner, I get to ask loads of questions and boss others around... mwahaha!

Luckily, I have really nice colleagues who are always ready to share and joke. Just like today, Willy, a fellow fresh graduate and new employee, showed me slides and documents on his project, a scaled-down version of mine. I thought they were helpful and shouted at Stuart, my ang moh boss, joyfully for the same information when he came by.

"Stuart!"
"What do you want now?" his lanky frame makes unsuccessful shrinking into a less conspicuous bulk
"Willy has been showing me things!" me in excitement and innocence
"What has Willy been showing you?" looking at Willy in a pseudo aghast manner

Willy, anxious to appear nice and innocent, hurriedly showed Stuart the said information. Only later did I realize and laughed at how Stuart misconstrued my words. Ok, off to look at the information Stuart dumped onto me.

First weekend of working world

Ok, I'm terribly behind times but I've really been tired from work! I'll pay back with a super long post!

I'm still learning by sitting in through boring meetings where people practice taiji and by following seniors around at work sites. I think I'm pretty lucky because most of the people in the office are really friendly and helpful, especially my project team members!

However, it was still a relief for the weekend to come. Not that it was restful, because I had saturday trainings and sunday was supposed to have a picnic with the wushu girls (+Hercules) at Bukit Gombak's Little Guilin. Unfortunately, it rained and we too lazy to get out, so had a pseudo picnic at Zhaoqi's garden!

Zhaoqi and Teresa were so daintily dressed! Glad things are looking up for Huijun =) So jealous of Biyun's silky locks... only I was properly dressed for a picnic in the comfy Thai singlet

The food we brought seemed more like a feast than a picnic. Zhaoqi's salmon salad, Biyun's huge squashy eclairs, Teresa's tasty cupcakes and delectable biscuits, my assorted sandwiches, Hercules' fresh and juicy fruits and Huijun's green tea. We were stuffed! With food and more satisfyingly, with each other's company.

Monday night I went out with most of the Loughborough exchange trip friends. I was a little upset at rushing off from a tiring day of work to find everyone much later than me but I cheered up when I saw everyone so glad to see each other.

While the others went off for a movie, Yuen Mei, Joan, Huiran and I had a wonderful girl chat. Surprised me really, as I was always rather quiet with them. We talked about dance, friendship and lasting romantic relationship.

The last was sparked off by Huiran commenting that she didn't find a particular suitor that funny anymore. I was very worried that she might end up deeply hurt like me and asked, "Do you really like funny guys?" I think that there must be other qualities... like for me, I must also be treated like a goddess or else showered with tons of gold! Sigh, guess I was never dear enough to be missed =(

Well, Joan was absolutely right that a lot of couples do not realize that an engagement is a lifelong promise already. Some people still think that don't like can always break-up without realizing the betrayal of trust. Perhaps I'm too conservative but I think Joan's approach is very complete. Her courtship involved family and friends, which is very ideal because these are the people who care for you and will celebrate your happiness.

Talking about people who care, I welcomed my brother home from Melbourne on Tuesday! Look at all the delicious goodies he brought back! I MISS my brother and I'll always do anything for him =)

Scrumptious Krispy Kreme donuts, heavenly Heaven chocolates, sinful chocolate-coated Scotch Finger and coffee powder for our caffeine-addicted mummy! I am going to be FAT!

1st day of work!

Starting 1st day of work! Carrying my laptop bag and dressed up in something other than t-shirt and shorts but still look kiddish =( Someone thought I was nineteen!
Well, I was told to regard all info at work as confidential and confidential means no divulging of what my job assignments are so I can only say boring stuff. Administrative matters and learning about the company in the morning and introduction to co-workers in the afternoon.

I think I was not what everyone was expecting because a girl said, "So you're the one we were all speculating about!" Also, this guy asked me whether I was available twice to confirm green light for other guys, have you heard of such an impertinent question to ask someone who's nursing a wounded heart and greviance at being unceremoniously dumped? Haha, well, I guess I really don't fit the image because even laoshi said, "Yanran looks like the kind who play Barbie dolls, inconceivable that she studied engineering..."

Well, I'm going to work hard to learn and be an asset to any company! Prove to all that I'm NOT a little girl =)

Jazz exam!

Argh! Jazz exam is this friday and our exam outfits are ghastly! Here is a sample, I just took it. Was having lessons in the night and reviewing the steps again in my room (my memory is notoriously poor). The guys wear tights and singlets while girls wear leotards and tights, plus jazz shoes (the shoes can be so slippery that they are hard to come up from arches and to take-off for split jumps). We all felt so naked, trying to hide in big shirts that we were forced to strip out of. Of course, the girls were terrified of bulging tummies and thunder thighs that the leotards ACCENTUATE (they flatten out the top and push out the middle, serious!)... now that I look at the photo, I think my arms are kind of large too but shall just pretend that they are muscles!

Oops, I do seem more concerned about my body parts compared to the dance steps but that is not so. I am always so nervous my counting gets progressively faster until it is totally off from the music beat. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale... smile and everything will be fine. Wish everybody luck! This crash course (about 6 weeks) has been a fun journey. Dance always is, no matter how stressful it is to memorize the steps for me, because it is an expressive exercise and for the moment, I forget the sadness and the uncertainties.

Haha, that photo is to encourage myself to cut down on food. Although I do not think it will help, just ate lots of ice cream left by Sinlong, Irene, Yijun and Xianhong, yummy!

P.S. As I ate, I was watching videos of Japanese kids dancing hip-hop. These are amazing! The movements are all so sharp and energetic. Ivan was raving about the talented Japanese dancers he met in a camp and recommended searching youtube for the kids dancing.

Momentary weakness

Just a few days ago, I really wanted to talk to someone, anyone (ok, not really anyone). I try to keep my unhappiness to myself mostly, but that night I really really wanted to say all that was overwhelming me (family, promises to others...). But the people I want to confide had a lot to do or very tired so I decided to watch some shows that I wanted to watch for a looooong time but didn't get the chance to.

First one was a Japanese movie, Sky of Love / Koisora, adapted from a mobile phone story. Although the story was sad and painful, the mood was hopeful and uplifting. There were regrets but the main character, Mika, was always positive and chose to remember the beautiful memories instead of dwelling on the pain caused.

The second was a Korean serial, Autumn in My Heart. The first time I heard about it was when I was puzzling over math tutorial in JC. Ssshhh, when he told me the storyline and how beautiful it all was, I was laughing inside because I found it very funny that a joker and an athletic guy like him liked sob stories.

However, I found that I do like the show. Perhaps love like that in the show can only be found in impossible places and scenarios as depicted. And I guess my fondness may have come from the fact that I enjoy being piggybacked like Eun-suh, the main girl. I like too, that the elder brother looks out for the sister, while the younger sister cheers the brother on.

Gosh, I have just discovered a hitherto unsuspected fondness for the previously despised romance genre of shows (Hmm, the first hint has to be liking Chinese Paladin but I still don't like too much kissing or wailing scenes). Maybe I'm trying too hard to look for a lesson, but I feel that these shows are saying: hey, bad things do happen to good people and there is no guarantee that they would be rewarded for being nice but whatever happens, still always try to care for loved ones because they do know deep down (especially parents, they may scold your extravagance for treating them but are secretly pleased).

Guess I hope I am a good person, I will try anyway. Many times I want to hit and lash out at those who are being hurtful but I must not, they are also beset by troubles unknown to me and anyway hurting them just makes things worse. Instead of feeling misunderstood or let down, I should be more understanding and forgiving. The road ahead is tough and unknown but all will be well if I put my best foot forward and face tomorrow with a smile =)

Cute drawings

Have been rather depressed over the tragic news so I cheered myself up by following children's drawing books. I like these funny-looking wild cats, it's always entertaining to turn something monstrous into ridiculous stuff, wish I could do that in real life, turn melodramas into mellow-dramas =)

Well, here's a very simple drawing too which I dedicate to all the children in the Sichuan earthquake. Whatever happens, there is always hope left.

Somebody once told me I was naive to believe that simply looking at the bright side of things is all that really matters when dealing with problems. I guess most people think that cheerful and smiley me never had any troubles worth mentioning, which isn't true. I just choose not to let misery get the better of me usually (of course, I can be very negative at times, especially when I am hurt very deeply).

And I shall persist in looking at the good in most people and looking at the bright side, even if I am laughed at for being foolish or may get taken advantage of. I do not want to go about living in bitterness and viewing others with suspicion. Time heals all wounds, although scars remain, they are there to remind us of lessons learnt and not to remind us of the sadness.

Sichuan earthquake

Disasters, or hard times, sure bring out the best and worst in people.

I just watched reports on the Sichuan earthquake on Phoenix Chinese Channel and Sisy's World News. There were moving accounts: a little girl sang a childrens' folksong "Liang Zhi Lao Hu (Two Tigers)" to cheer her rescuers and forget her pain; a trapped grandma spent her last effort to throw her grandchild out of the wreckage; a badly injured little boy insisted he was not in pain ("wo bu tong! bu tong!") while being rescued; another child was smiling cheerfully when carried out of the wreckage despite broken legs and infected arms... I could not help but feel a burning sensation in my eyes.

There were also disgruntled villagers in remote areas, complaining loudly about late rescue efforts. I mean, I can empathize their unhappiness but when I see the amount of rubble the rescuers have to clear to even reach the danger zones, I thought the rescuers were already trying their best. There were rescuers who parachute down blindly to reach victims faster, which is extremely dangerous, because one is not sure where to land and some were hit by flying debris. Rescue efforts are further hampered by the stench of rotting corpses and possibilites of more cave-ins.

I am deeply touched by the brave children (some trapped for more than 80 hours) and dedicated rescuers (most who rest for about 2-3 hours before returning to work). They got me thinking if I could display such fortitude and selflessness if I were in the same situation. I don't know really, but I can and will try to always do the right thing. This thought was sparked by Dr Liang's reply, "Yes, but we're thinking how to help" to my, "We're so lucky to be safe here" on Tuesday.

So glad I am going to start work and earn money soon! My YEP (Youth Expedition Programme) to help poor students in Yunnan in 2004 made me decide to "adopt" needy kids through the Hope Foundation the moment I am financially independent, which means, some money would be deducted from my account every month to pay for the kid's wants. I think there is no greater satisfaction than to help a deserving fellow human being and feel their joy =) (i say deserving because there are some very bad or hopeless people around who make me feel like kicking their asses, oops!)

Mother's Day

Just had jazz class a few hours ago and we danced to this Timbaland's Apologize.



For some reason, I thought of mummy and my favourite aunt, Si yi (fourth auntie). They had a misunderstanding a while back and they're having a cold war that does not seem to be abating anytime soon. I feel really sad because I missed her and also sad that Mummy is sad.

Si yi is like a 2nd mummy to me. We have similar tastes and she advices me when I feel hurt that Mummy does not understand me sometimes. I also know under all the jokes and cheerful front, Mummy really misses her sister. But I think in that misunderstanding, some angry words were spoken that cannot be taken back and neither side is willing to apologize...

I thought to take the opportunity that Mother's Day presented to bury the hatchet between them by inviting her to a simple meal I cook to celebrate but the wall between them is too great.

Really wish things would be back to as they were before. Really want Mummy and Si yi, and everybody really, to be happy. But I know that's impossible no matter how hard I try but I will keep trying. Happy Mother's Day, I love you Mummy.

Bumming around

Hurray, exam over! I still have my FYP presentation though, gulp, but I don't really care anymore, in fact, I have been doing everything but studying during this period of supposed mugging.

For example, the hot and humid weather is impossible to study in. I keep dozing off on top of my notes so to counter that I study at the swimming pool (that is as small as a fish tank). A few laps, one exam question done, followed by another round of laps and the cycle continues until I finish a past year exam paper. As a result, notes I scribbled in class are smudgy from pool water and drool.

I have also been aimlessly surfing the net (Stunning news, technically inept girl surfing the net). This is a dance inspired by the Buddhist art in the Mogao Grottoes, also commonly known as the Thousand Buddhas Caves, off Dunhuang city. The dancers are all so flexible and pretty!

Sheares Year 4 gathering!

Thank you Ruoling for inviting me to the event =) It was very fun and nostalgic. I wish I knew everyone better in Hall, I stayed for only a year but everyone was very warm and remembered me! Summer, Bona, Lifang, Zibin, Yip, Jianwei, Fangxi, Junsheng, Kaiyuan, Fulin, Ian, Abhishek, Chio, Gabriel, Zaihao plus others whose names I probably cannot recall... sorry, but I really am glad out paths crossed even for a short while.

Am in a reminiscent mood, shall show the very few pictures I have of me taken in Hall...

This is of me running the second leg of road relay which we won gold that year! I think I was about to collapse near the finishing line! Was very shocked that Guoyou (the photographer) entered it for some competition and that this photo was put up for 2 years in the dining area, maybe that's why a lot of times strangers wave to me in NUS and I smile shyly back.

If you don't know, the little one perched on Daniel's shoulders is me! This was during the Chingay Parade of Dreams 2006 because Sheares float won for Rag and Flag day in 2005 =)

I am really prettier than that (haha, hurry get a basin so the puke won't spill all over) but the 1st photo was too blurry, the 2nd I was pumping my legs out and 3rd I was covered with a very thick layer of gook!

Jokes aside, I do miss Hall despite some of the things I dislike about it such as the overbearing cheering and unsportsmen-like behaviour during Inter-Hall Games. I like most people (only one or two irritated me) and I really enjoyed myself, making friends, trying games and dance. I hardly went for supper though, being an earlybird, I was usually drooling on my textbook and notes when neighbours tried to jio me for supper! They could only close my door for me... so diu lian or embarrassing for me!

Haha, wish everyone all the best! May our paths cross again, I'd never forget the fun times we've shared (even if I forgot your name, or don't even know who you are)!

A very stressful birthday!

Many thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthday! I love the well wishes (and presents), they sure made a stressful birthday less dismal =) My birthday was mainly spent editing my FYP report. Haha, well, a birthday is just another day really, just like children's day, mother's day... because, if you are nice to that person the other days of the year, that one day doesn't really matter. Having said that, I am still especially touched when people remember my birthday!

Papa is such a fusspot, I told him no need cake and noodles le but he insisted. See, I'm his favourite! Whenever I say something's nice in a shop, he'll exclaim to get it, even if it is very expensive. Doesn't help that he's a shopaholic and vain dresser (beats me why a glutton is such a dandy)! Anyway, this mongolian song made me think of papa, mummy and me now (poor bro is all alone in Melbourne). It is written by a Mongolian singer for his daughter, he sang it with his wife, the pretty little girl is their niece.



This is the song the little girl wrote for her father in return. Also performed by the singer and his niece.



I know the stage get-up was very "tu" but I sincerely like the song! It combines family and nature, making me conclude that living on the wide plains or close to nature puts everything into perspective. Maybe that's why I prefer visiting the countryside rather than cities, standing in the field under the immense sky immediately expands the spirit. All petty problems are diminished, because they are so insignificant compared to the beauty around.

Birthday wish: to have some of that beauty now to chase away school work blues and of course, for everyone to be healthy and happy! (Shan't put up any photo, a giant pimple erupted due to stress, argh!)

Qing Ming in Penang

Finally went to Penang for Qing Ming to honour my departed paternal grandparents. I met my uncle, aunt, male cousin and family and female cousin's son. The little children were all very good-looking (my male cousin is a handsome fellow who reminds me a little of Junsheng and my female cousin's son resembles his handsome Japanese father, so I heard). Sob, I inherit the worse from my papa's side - short, stubborn, broad shoulders, hornbill nose and dark brown eyes!

When I was little, I disliked the Chinese custom of burning joss-sticks and paper which I perceived as polluting the environment plus it isn't part of Buddhism really. However, when I saw how much it meant to papa's peace of mind, I thought there isn't really any harm to humour him. Anyway, it's a good excuse to visit my relatives in Penang!

Sigh, didn't have a chance to take photo with them though. The only photo taken of me during this short trip was papa sneaking a photo of me gazing at some building while waiting for mummy. I kind of like it because it is rather idyllic, much like Penang. Next time I go, I'd bring swimsuit to bathe in the sea!

A sigh of relief

Don't know what this is? Let me enlighten you! This is a miniaturized cell stretcher -- clamp a silicone membrane with cells attached to it at the hole and the cylinder will plunge downwards (cyclically or statically, depending on requirements) to stretch the membrane, thereby stretching the cells!

This is my final year project and I am really relieved that after months of stressing over stresses in material and motor power, my design was finally manufactured and working pretty well =) However, I still need to do more calibration and the programming is presenting some trouble. Keep on going, keep on going, the end is finally near!

In my draft report I thanked all the manufacturers, PhD students and professors but did not thank all my wonderful friends for cheering me up and giving words of encouragement! So thanking them now. Ok, back to work (an odious word) and can't wait for this awful last semester to be over!

(wow, lots of exclamation marks... i must be really relieved or stressed? hmm...)

Love HC Wushu!

Thank you everybody for the wonderful gathering (sending-off-teresa cum early-bday-for-me)! I love the sumptuous dinner, the macaron birthday "cake", the presents, and most of all you all! Think I need to slim down a bit to look svelt in the top... oops!

Yummy yummy!

Hercules/Zhiyong, Biyun, Huijun, me, Teresa, Zhaoqi & Lixiang!

My new top, my funny birthday card, lovely macarons, huijun's drawing, blow bubble set!

Bon voyage, Teresa! Take care of yourself in India, and remember to bargain as adviced: "400 rupees? i'll buy at 40!"

Zhaoqi, the earrings are lovely! Thank you for organizing and always there for everyone with your calm and comforting presence.

Jiayou, jiayou, jiayou, jiayou, jiayou, jiayou! Biyun and Hercules, we've only got this awful month to go before we're FREE!

Aren't you so lucky to have met us, Huijun? We're so fun to be with! And we're always trying to be there for each other, a looong and true friendship!

Don't forget to play bubbles and piggyback me k, Lixiang, you promised!!! Okok, dun stress you le, know you have lots of commitments so glad that you came today =p Coming up are Junyuan and Zhaoqi's birthdays, MUST come k!

So happy to read these well-wishes!

Whatever life brings us next, we'll always have these beautiful memories with us! Makes me think a little of this song, rather melancholic but I like it very much and I connect it with very dear friends... enjoy =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL2kkwJrQEc

To...

To fernfreak, I've passed your well-wishes to Huijun today and hope you will both always be fast friends! I'm guessing you are very concerned about her and hoping for every little news you can get about her. I visited her today and she is improving and surrounded by people who care despite the difficulties. Thanks for the encouragement and I'm sure she appreciates your kindness.

To someone, my greatest apologies for complaining so bitterly about you. I visit my friend in hospital to cheer her up and gained some insight along the way. It was very low of me to say such terrible things, no matter how aggrieved I felt. Neither of us was blameless so all the best for the final dash before graduation!

To Papa and Mummy, I love you all for loving me unconditionally. Haha, but I know you know that, me always looking out for the adorable stuff Mummy adores and queueing up for "ba gua" for greedy Papa! I will work hard, get a well-paying job so I can let you all enjoy life. Living out Mummy's philosophy that being filial is to treat parents well when they're alive and not put up a show when they've gone to a better place.

Friends?

Congratulations to NTU ACES , both senior and junior teams were spectacular clinching 1st and 3rd respectively! It sure was an eye-opener for Teresa and me and the primary school teams were adorable! Lixiang must be over the moon!

Anyway, Teresa told me some things Zhaoqi did for Huijun and I got quite upset. I really get very angry when people take advantage of my friends (e.g. this horrible boy asked my friend why her assets so small so I've squashed his every attempt to befriend me eversince and feeling vindictive pleasure I'm making him pay for his insult). Zhaoqi is so caring towards Huijun, visiting her once every 2 days + all the other help in the past, I don't understand how she could demand more, calling and wanting Zhaoqi to appear.

Maybe she's very upset and not thinking straight (I can't quite get angry at a friend). I really hope she doesn't chase away anymore people who care for her by being difficult. Haha, maybe I should relflect on myself. Towards the end of that relationship, I was so numb that I don't care what he did anymore.

Sigh, please get well soon permanently and fast, it's really very hard on so many people who care. See, FYP-stressed-Biyun, billion-activities-Lixiang, earning-tuition$$$-Zhaoqi and TE-&-family-oriented-Teresa made the effort to pop by and support her, there's so much love showered! Be strong!

Even if you don't believe in yourself, believe in me who believes in you! -- Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagaan

Depression

Haix, just returned from visiting Huijun in Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I feel like an insensitive idiot, I was busy plucking quotes from her livejournal when she was languishing with depression.

Seeing her like that hurts me terribly. I really tried to be there for her, calling and listening to her, even if I have a test or meeting my FYP prof the next day or just back from training. Was all that for nothing? Maybe, I should just forget about trying.

That is my life, doing things that don't help. Doing things that are superfluous and hence unnoticed until I ask out of bewilderment, waiting and waiting for someone who is too busy to care, thinking continuously how to help but taken for granted, giving things up for someone who thinks they're no big deal and insists on having his cake and eat it too... prolonged disappointment deadens any affection and plunges into blind misery.

So very tired. Don't know whether I would visit her again. I should but it'd only make me think of how sad I am and why.

Rainy day

Wished Elsa happy belated birthday yesterday with Sijia, was a day late but still earlier than Benjamin!!! Elsa is one of the people I look up to, level-headed, caring, intelligent and pretty. Sijia is my other pretty friend... does this mean I'm humsup?!! Haha, we're friends from HCJC days and our favourite Maths teacher always tell us YES 95 should be off the airways during her lessons (Yanlian, Elsa, Sijia) but we prefer to be called Powerpuff girls then (Sijia is Blossom, Elsa is Bubbles and I'm Buttercup).

Suppose to do work now but I just feel like snuggling in my blankets with a cup of hot milo on this rainy day. So just did that and plucked a whole lot of cute quotes from Huijun's livejournal (how does one use that?). Enjoy!

if i hadn't met you, i wouldn't like you...
if i hadn't like you, i wouldn't love you...
if i wouldn't love you, i wouldn't miss you...
BUT I DO, I DID, AND I WILL.

On my death bed, I want to remember the great naps I took.

sometimes it's best to forget how you feel & remember what you deserve

All i want is for ONE boy, to prove that they're not all the SAME.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!

Best friends: they know how stupid you are and still choose to be seen with you

I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens -- Charlie Brown


The only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in theirs.

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. -- Dr Seuss

Love the life you live
Live the life you love -- Bob Marley

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.

You're the only one who can make me laugh when I don't even want to smile.

Don't make someone YOUR PRIORITY
When you're only THEIR OPTION

i'd rather be hated for who i am
than loved for who i am NOT -- Kurt Cobain

i want a boy who i can run to;
with tears running down my face & the first thing he says is...
"whose ass am i kicking babe?"

Haha, the very sweet and romantic ones are near impossible! Well, the blue ones did make me think of someone very dear to me, who told me many times to tell him who bullied me so he can beat them up! Hmm, a lot of them made me think of friends who I have not met for a long time and i just want them to know that i would always try my best to cheer them up when they're blue!

Beginning of an end?

Beginning of March 2008 and I am determined to do work. I have been moping way too long and hiding from the real world. Truth is, I am feeling incredibly lost and miserable now. I dislike what I am studying, my final year project sucks, still getting acclimated to a broken heart and still sick!

I have to thank many friends, including Zhengxi, Terence and all but most of all Lixiang and my favourite auntie. He is extremely busy but still responds to my vaporings on msn (I find it very hard to talk about my feelings). My auntie has watched me grow up and knows me through and through. Since I started studying instead of pursuing art, I should finish it the best I can and keep art as a side hobby. There are so many people around me who love and care for me.

Don't know how to put it but really very touched and kind of teared when he said that. I know that he'd do anything to make me smile and be happy, even if it hurts him like mad and even though I disappointed and let him down many times. Wish he'd know that I'll do the same for him too. So funny, he's not perfect (always so emo and putting up despairing nicks) but I always have the innate belief in him that he can put everything right!

Well, chop chop, got to pull through this awful last semester and I'd be free!

Careers

The career fair last thursday was quite an eye-opener. Met some friends (Waiyu from Hall working in Credit Suisse and some acquaintances from engin) and found out some things like the sorry plight of bioengineers.

Theirs is an awfully competitive course and after struggling for 4 years, if they want to continue in bioengineering, they have to go into research which requires at least a Masters and pharmaceutical companies only want chemists! Whereas many firms want electrical and mechanical engineers, even financial firms!

Well, a lady from HSBC grabbed me and started talking real long before asking me what discipline I was from. She was shocked at my reply and said, "You don't look like an engineer, I thought you were from business or arts!" Hmm, so what do engineers look like? But seeing as how smart business and arts girls look, I took it as a compliment!

In the following days, I found out another career for me... agony aunt! Real! I sort of cheered up Huijun and Tat by simply talking nonsense. Huijun always say wonderful stuff about me that make me blush...hehe. Now Tat, he's a muscle man from Hall and he's really very sad. The girl that means so much to him broke up with him. He refuse to lift himself from misery because he doesn't want to give up waiting for her. While I admire that devotion, I do wish he'd be happy. Hopefully, he'd come around soon enough to play with me before I go into the WORKING WORLD.

At the threshold of graduation (if my professor pass my dubious fyp), I can't help but watch this again:



Really wish I was brave enough to drop everything and just draw for a living!

CNY Performances over!

Yay! The Chinese New Year performances are over on sunday night! ... and I have been down with a very-flammy cough ever since... ugh! Too much schoolwork and dance practices =(

Oh, my thigh has bruises in the shape of handprints! On trying the stage before the 1st performance, I slipped from Weiren's shoulders and he caught me. I couldn't see anything but felt my leg choking him. He said that was nonsense and that luckily I wasn't heavier, else he couldn't catch! Anyway, I think he's feeling worse than me now as he is down with fever like Sophie, hope they get well soon!



Well, I got to thinking I'm a terrible person when I'm ill. I want to be cuddled and taken care of, not at all like by usual independent and rebellious self. And unconsciously thought of last time in junior college, when Lixiang would nag at me to see the doctor and even waited for me at the school exit to bring me! Of course I refuse, because he stays in Jurong which is so far from everywhere and so troublesome for him!

Not forgetting other caring friends who would bug me to drink water, etc etc... and Mummy especially, for putting up with my annoying cough (she's a light sleeper, not piggy like me)!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to everybody! I have never put much emphasis on this day because I have always thought it over-commercialised. However, I do think it is very sweet when that special someone puts in effort to make you feel cherished =)

Today I had my first french test (how romantic... haha) and I think I didn't do too well as I was busy doing my FYP the night before... gulp. After that ordeal, I pass by loads of stalls in NUS arts walkway selling valentine's day's stuff and saw a set of "fu wa" soft toys (Beijing Olympic symbols) and immediately thought of mummy! She loves them but balked at the price when I called her excitedly to tell her... so no buy =(

Walking to the bus-stop, I saw Melody from SEP taking extremely careful steps. She was dressed very prettily and in heels, hence avoiding the gaps between the tiles on the pavement. She was so engrossed she didn't see me until I laughed at her fear of her heels getting stuck. Sure hopes her boyfriend appreciates her effort in dressing up!

So my simple day just passed with mummy (papa and bro overseas). Although nothing eventful happened, just being near her and enjoying her presence is wonderful enough! Also would like to take the opportunity to thank all my good friends... too many to name! Was specially touched when Junsheng was so concerned about me, I thought he only cared about his studies and looks (kidding)!

Chinese New Year

In line with Chinese New Year's tradition of spring cleaning, my brother and I decided his adorable but incredibly filthy bear needed a bath.

Successfully captured bear bear!

Bear bear squeal, " Lemme out! Lemme out!"

Oops... changed bear bear into girl's clothes! Change gender for the new year!

Well, too bad clean bear bear would be monopolized by me because my brother just flew back to Melbourne. My home is strangely quiet after HCJC wushu friends and my brother left. Biyun, Huijun, Junyuan, Teresa, Zhaoqi and Zhigao visited my family and we all had great fun! (Sigh, Mingjian is in Melbourne and Lixiang is always so busy... sure hope to see you guys soon). Anyway, can't wait for the next gathering!

Lost

Always tried to present a happy face to the world, even when it hurts so much inside. Midweek was so painful, didn't know why so much memories surged forth. Promised myself not to be weak again, but I broke the promise.

I don't hate anybody really. I wish to be friends with everybody but not everybody I want to be friends with want to be friends with me. Either they want me to ignore them or they ignore me. Really wonder if I am so dislikeable.

Maybe it's easier to not feel anything, just do all tasks promptly (which I seriously need to do but cannot bring myself to). There is so much happening now but I keep getting stuck in the past. Time to give myself a brutal kick back to the present.

Do not expect anything at all, then there is no sadness at nothing.

Sigh, but still stupidly wishing for a hug, comforting words and a piggyback!

Grateful

The new year started with a few meetings with good friends -- HCJC 29th wushu batch, 02s33 classmates from HCJC, some of my SCGS friends and SEP friends.

HCJC 29th wushu batch: It was really fun to meet at Zhigao's house where we reminisce all the fun times and moan about schoolwork over a potluck dinner (Zhaoqi's cooking is yummy!). I am specially glad that Huijun, whom I knew since SCGS, has emerged from her trials a stronger girl =) And it has been such a long time since I've laughed at Lixiang's lame jokes...haha. Looking forward to visiting Mingjian aka Lin-meimei in Australia when I visit my brother when I graduate!

02s33 classmates: Looking at the gathering, one would think the class consists entirely of girls and the amazing thing is most are engineers! Although we bump into each other quite often in school, they're not as often as I hope. The really funny episode is when e noticed Zhang Qing left her mochi untouched and claimed her "sashimi" mochi tasted awful. We were all cracking our heads over such an exotic dish until Elsa figured out that it was "sesame" not "sashimi"!

SCGS classmates: I was rather down lately and that day was no exception, so was especially touched when Tricia tried very hard to cheer me up. Still recall the days when she labeled herself as "joke dispenser" and when we always laughed so hard during lessons that I fell off my chair twice! yikes!

SEP friends: As always, Ying regaled me with her interesting experiences. This time round was her rented house in Loughborough flooding! Of course, Xianhong was there and I can't help but feel that I'm a bad girl for feeling some resentment. However, I do sincerely wish him well.

All these gatherings are specially poignant. Most of us are reaching the next stage of our lives: entering the working world, which is inevitable that we feel some apprehension. I also can't help but think that despite all the laughter, there is a little sadness, like we lost some of our innocence and carefree attitude that we had in the past. I wish all these dear friends would be happy and healthy always. I am grateful that they have entered and brightened my life.

I am also grateful to Fuzhou huiguan people and Zibin. For some time now, I go to Fuzhou to learn wushu and dance and it really is fun to mix with the people there. Most are younger than me and it is a little like reliving my youth when watching their boisterous plays. Zibin is my best friend in hall, he has been cheering me up and the only thing I repoach him is for making it so difficult for me to treat him! GGRRRHHHH!!!!!