Haix, just returned from visiting Huijun in Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I feel like an insensitive idiot, I was busy plucking quotes from her livejournal when she was languishing with depression.
Seeing her like that hurts me terribly. I really tried to be there for her, calling and listening to her, even if I have a test or meeting my FYP prof the next day or just back from training. Was all that for nothing? Maybe, I should just forget about trying.
That is my life, doing things that don't help. Doing things that are superfluous and hence unnoticed until I ask out of bewilderment, waiting and waiting for someone who is too busy to care, thinking continuously how to help but taken for granted, giving things up for someone who thinks they're no big deal and insists on having his cake and eat it too... prolonged disappointment deadens any affection and plunges into blind misery.
So very tired. Don't know whether I would visit her again. I should but it'd only make me think of how sad I am and why.
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3 comments:
there are people around (like us!) who appreciate what a thoughtful and caring friend you are. and huijun definitely appreciates it too, so don't say that your efforts are superfluous. moral support counts for something too!if there are people who take you for granted, don't bother being nice to them! save your nice-ness for us instead!! ;p
poor huijun-- so that's where she's been. if you would, please send my regards if you do see her-- i'm not supposed to contact her directly.
sorry,...
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