Nasty Girl

Feeling down AGAIN, but nobody knew because I am smiling as usual. Did a lot of stupid things at work, in trainings and to other people, actually only one person. Been reading back and realize I have been complaining about one person and I know why.

In sophomore year, one of the sweetest and prettiest girls I know broke up with her first boyfriend. She still went about cheerfully but I know she was upset and really wanted everyone to believe she was wronged. I told her that people who know her would know that she did everything she could already and most of the fault lies with the other person.

So easy to advise, so hard to carry it out. I must learn from her, she never complained as much as me!!! Ok, I guess most people think I can't let go or what. Not quite, I just feel really sian when common friends ask me to give another chance. Well, I guess people who really know me will know I swallow until my limit (which really is a lot!) and I never let anyone down if I can help it. (work is difficult, essential to step on people's toes =( maybe that's why my face is morphing into the many grumpy faces in the trains)

It is also upsetting that people who don't really know assume I am so petty. I have tried to remember the good things, I do that whenever I am upset. However, when I keep using 1 good thing to tide over 10 bad things, the effectiveness wears thin.

Oops. I sound very childish but I must complain somewhere or I'd burst, or go nuts! Must vent somewhere besides swimming. Things have not been easy at home but I really have to be strong. But sometimes, I really do wish that there'd be someone who'd understand me, believe in me and be there for me. Haha, I'm not as wonderful as that someone because I can only try my best to understand, believe until many broken promises and try to be there for others by putting myself in that person's shoes and imagine what is required.

Everyone is different but some things are fundamental. Like, you'll always think of sharing something nice with someone you care about. I saw the drink vending machine for the 1st time when I entered primary school and thought the Sprite being made into a paper cup very exciting and delicious. I bought one and cupped it carefully on the schoolbus until I reach home, groaning at each bump and jerk. My little brother was so happy and loved the Sprite. So I bought Sprite nearly everyday and it was so sweet to see him waiting at the doorstep for me after school.

Yay, I've managed to cheer myself up somewhat =) My brother would be a little sad to find himself described like a faithful dog!!! Well, I need to have more confidence, believe in myself, forget what strangers think. It's the people who care who really matter, those who never cared or will never care matter not.